Reading, Understanding, and Dealing with Shy Girls in Courtship

Shy girls are something I’ve been asked about several times. I understand they are difficult to read, I agree sometimes it’s just down right difficult to get a read they don’t do much of anything to the naked eye. With shy girls it’s important to realize they merely have a social anxiety, you know the approach anxiety you suffer from, well she feels exactly the same at this moment as you do before you go talk to her. So don’t take it personal when she doesn’t give you much of anything.

Reading Shy Girls

Shy girls do give you some small signals but you have to pay very close attention in their case. They are going to show their attraction through doing less than doing more. What I mean by that is they give you so little I am going to just bullet point it. Shy woman are reacting to a social anxiety, this means they suffer from fear when they are attracted.

–         Look for freeze as one of her reactions. This means showing less movement or no movement.

–         When shy girls are attraction they show subtle signs of arousal.

–         Look for blushing, her heart will be beating quickly due to arousal which means she will show red hues from the top of her ears to all over her face.

–         Her torso will begin to lean in toward you we tend to close the distance with people we are attracted to we subconsciously get drawn in.

–         Her torso will also face you when she doesn’t see you exposing herself then as fear sets in when you look she may move away or face away.

–         Eye contact will happen repeatedly but she’ll look down quickly and usually submissively.

–         Pupil dilation again this is a sign she is aroused, something she can’t control.

–         Our foot points towards what we are most interested in. This can be a guy, her friend, the exit, or a bathroom.

–         Subtle sexual overtures- She will stand in the perimeter more or walk past you more. She will give you more opportunities to talk to her even if she doesn’t react positively right off the bat.

Dealing with Shy Girls

Shy girls can be very cool, in fact most of the time they are pretty cool once you get them out of their shell. The problem is they are uncomfortable and freeze up, so you need to find a way to get them to loosen up, to get them comfortable with you. The easiest way to do that is to make them smile and laugh and even then it may take a moment to get her out of her shell.

Read her body language and understand how she feels, realize how she feels and talk to her let her know you understand. It’s not difficult and she’ll be able to see you understand her and you aren’t trying to just give her shit but actually connect with her, this can help make her FEEL more comfortable with you.

Learn to talk to yourself some so you can give her some things to comment on, it sounds weird but if you can narrate something happening an observation you guys are both sharing perhaps you guys can at the very least share something. Reading her reaction to everything helps you connect with her once again because you understand her and you are on “the same wave length” as her.

You can make someone comfortable with a humble humor. This means you talk for a moment about yourself jokingly, even putting yourself down a little to her level. So she can identify. If you share something about yourself that seems humbling you will help her connect with you, she’ll feel she knows you some because she knows some embarrassing things about you and she is currently embarrassed for being put on the spot at this moment. Humility is also a sign of charisma!

Come in just above her energy level, you don’t want to approach a shy girl with too high of energy. Keep in mind this is true of most courtship interactions anyways.  So don’t come in high flying joking. Come in with some subtle witty humor and let her enjoy your company for the first few moments until she is comfortable with you.

Make sure to approach with nonthreatening body language, they are already anxious no need to make them feel threatened. It’s pretty simple no need to really go into this thoroughly but this means open palms and wrists, a turned head, angled torso (indirect), and a smile.

Don’t force her out of her shell let her come out when she is ready or she’ll be nervous. Don’t start off asking her questions, just talk narrating with some humor; she’ll talk when she is comfortable and ready. She will also be attracted because you made her smile.

Summarizing the Shy Girls

Shy girls are just like the rest of us they need comfort before they are willing to expose themselves so it’s important you learn to build rapport, a connection, and comfort. After you get a shy girl comfortable she will show her attraction just like every other girl through preens, submissive signals, eye contact, space, etc. It’s up to you to get her comfortable enough to show regular body language.

When it comes to reading shy girls initially you need to look for the very subtle signs of arousal such as blushing, pupil dilation, it’s important to realize all the signs they send will be very subconscious and very related to a fear or anxious behavior.

Feedback is always encouraged as usual!




  1. I’m not quite sure that the reactions of the shy girl would be any different than an extrovert chic.

    Give an example to prove this point.

    • The overall reaction would become the same but initially shy girls are a little more flat, they don’t give you an “in” because of their social anxiety.

      When I’ve went to talk to a waitress that was very shy she froze up didn’t give me much to work with or show much for attraction, however after my female friend went and talked to her she admitted she wanted me to come talk to her. The female friend helped, more importantly she was more comfortable talking to her about her attraction than showing her attraction to me.

      When I’ve wanted to talk to a shy girl I’ve walked up to the bar at the same time and just started talking joking around, then they get shy, normally submissive, sometimes turn red, and I make them smile and laugh comfortably. At this point they open up a little more to the idea of a conversation, initially they literally may say nothing because they have a freeze reaction.

      College or hs is when this likely happens the most(they have the least overall social interactions). A shy girl that doesn’t know how to interact with strangers or is uncomfortable starting conversations will need this approach a lot of times.

  2. i am shy and they are shy beaues mabey they like this guy name so what f you are relly shy be who want to beand dont be so shy but i try i cant but you should