Space is something a lot of body language books ignore (although none of the good ones do). Space is ignored a lot of times because it seems simple and it truly is. What gets done in that space is just as important as the amount of space you have. Space is the untold escalation.
I need to start with a few thoughts, so you guys understand how space may not change but the intensity may become higher.
Just like the rest of body language always remember context. If you are in a huge party and this chick is pushing up on you it may merely mean the room is crowded. If however you are at a party where space isn’t an issue and she stands near she is being drawn to you. Space just like everything else must follow the body language guidelines.
Your torso and which way it faces can change the exact message. If you are standing next to a woman you can be 2 inches away and it’s no big deal, you are in that intimate zone already. If however you are facing her with your torso 2 inches away it feels far more intense, it is far more direct.
Go walk up to a friend directly and stand in front of him/her facing them as an experiment. They will feel threatened or if it is a woman attracted give you a little sexual tension. If however you walk up and stand 2 inches away from your friend next to them you gain access to the intimate zone but you aren’t threatening them in fact in a lot of cases they don’t even realize you are next to them in their intimate zone.
Eye contact is very cultural in some areas it’s rude to make eye contact and in others rude not to. My thoughts on eye contact are we gain a special connection from it. I believe in strong eye contact if only to build a connection. Eye contact intensifies everything from sex to communication to standing close or far, eye contact truly changes the value of any nonverbal behavior.
With eye contact you can stand further and feel closer, simply by facing your torso toward them. Try this out: Go to a group of people you know chatting and pick one person out and face them making strong eye contact and copy their body language. It will feel as if you guys are close even if you are 8 feet away. As you close that distance the tension becomes higher and higher with eye contact, so keep in mind the closer you stand the less eye contact you give INITIALLY unless you move closer eye contact never stopping, then you are simply building up sexual tension. If she looks away she can’t handle the tension yet.
If you want to build sexual tension while walking up to a woman who has already sent a bit of approach cues never take your eyes off hers walking toward her with a smirk or smile on your face and walk directly up to her. Especially if guys have been nonverbally flirting for a few minutes (making eyes, raising brows, winking, etc.) you can directly approach her with strong eye contact walking straight up to her the key is not breaking eye contact or the tension doesn’t build, walk up close to her and put out your hand to introduce yourself in a confident manner (even whispering your introduction into her ear). With this technique you are purposely going into her intimate zone early to build tension since there is already attraction, and then you back off taking away the tension, or just in general playing take away (taking yourself away from her).
On to Space
When you think of space with people think of them more like magnets if they are the negative to our positive or positive to our negative they get pulled together. When we are attracted we pull ourselves closer to that person. Why wouldn’t we? We want to be close to them on multiple levels. So a basic way to tell if someone is attracted is to look at how close they are getting or trying to get.
Space is very simple there are 4 different zones:
Intimate Space - Very close it is less than 18 inches to touch, for some of us it is 24 inches.
Personal Space – This is also reserved for people we like, 4 feet or below.
Social Space – This is 12 feet or closer, sounds far but 12 feet is actually closer than you realize during a conversation.
Public Space – This is 25 or closer.
Note: You should realize about space and that these space figures are general guidelines, some people need more space for comfort and some less. People from large metropolitan areas are known for needing less space, their social space is 2 feet or less. I have had people stand 6 inches away from me incredibly comfortably (I wasn’t).
(Stand closer with touch adds more intimacy)
So if we are attracted (especially sexually) to someone we are going to definitely try to place ourselves in the personal or intimate space. Look for women to get in this area even if it is in a nonthreatening way such as standing or sitting next to you. Remember women have a much better natural understanding of body language so they will understand how to sneak in under the radar. You can learn a lot about seduction by thinking about what a seductive woman does to get a guy.
Look for the torso to lean in to close the distance. This is a subtle signal but it is closing the distance, it is leaning toward what you are most attracted to.
Intent actions in Open Space
Sometimes a woman attracted to a man will do intent actions, these are relatively simple but basically what happens is she attempts to close the space and even show her want or intention to touch by reaching out to you. Her hands reach towards you while you or she talks, they happen far more often then you realize. A lot of woman yearning for intimacy or affection let their hands reach towards what they are attracted to closing the distance even by actions of mere intent.
Escalating by Way of Space
There are three ways to escalate when it comes to space. We have already touched on all of them. I’m not going to go into eye contact as you should already realize how strong eye contact escalates how the distance feels whether that is far or close.
When it comes to space you may have already penetrated that intimate zone, you are already standing/sitting beside them in that intimate zone. It’s very nonthreatening but it also isn’t nearly as sexual as you would like it to be. So if you are in that intimate zone you will likely need to start to face her, this may mean backing up a little (2-3 feet) and beginning to face her.
After she is comfortable enough and the torsos begin to lean in (subconscious distance closing) it’s on like Donkey Kong.
Another thing you can do is when you are standing next to each other you can also reach down and grab her hand with strong enough attraction; this will help build the sexual tension without you starting to directly face her.
If you are already facing her your next step is to get closer, to get into that intimate zone. Start by leaning in, if necessary take baby steps perhaps neutralizing a little by facing away (if she leans away or shows a strong negative reaction). Try to avoid going too slow, personally I think it’s better to be bold, it shows confidence, step towards her silently when you guys are facing (obviously you want attraction first, and a connection if you follow my Big 3). When she gets quiet just let the tension build with strong eye contact and just go for it, the kiss, the hug, or whatever.
Space is the simplest way to escalate; you can build strong sexual tension without touch simply by making strong eye contact, facing each other, and getting closer and closer. This doesn’t mean I recommend going without touch, touch is a special connection and I recommend using every tool in your social cabinet. However as an experiment when you detect attraction from a woman try building sexual tension without touching her, hell you can even say out loud “I read somewhere that two people who are very attracted to each other can build a lot of tension without touching by simply facing each other, getting closer, and making eye contact.” You can play with it and say it anyway you like, but just find a way to see if she’ll let you try. Sometimes all you need is a silent moment when you guys have a connection and eye contact; she will understand what’s happening and be fine with it.
Love and Peace