Body Language during an Approach

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When we approach a woman we should have a certain body language. I am commonly asked how they should act when they approach a woman. The answer is you should keep in your confident “alpha” male behaviors while maintaining nonthreatening body language. You should make sure when you approach a woman she is very comfortable with you.

As you go up to a woman there are a few things you should do to maintain a comfortable start to the interaction on top of your already confident “alpha” male behaviors. You need to show off your nonthreatening behaviors so that she feels comfortable from the start, if you start off an interaction making her feel uncomfortable she will not be attracted and you will likely have a harder time building attraction.

Your arms should be open and loose. A lot of men find it to be “alpha” to take on the look of a bouncer, he makes himself bigger and more dominant with his arms crossed. Sorry but in courtship you need to avoid being this type of “alpha” you want to make sure that your body language evokes comfort and that means your body language should be open. When your arms are open you expose your wrists sending a submissive signal. The wrist is a very sensitive area (slitting wrists for suicide), when we expose them we are saying I’m nonthreatening.

Smile, I am a huge fan of smiling and laughing, often the most attractive person in the room is the person who is having the most fun. I talked about the importance of smiling in Behaviors of a confident male but it is so important I’m going to make sure I state it again. Of all the universal faces out there only one is positive face(though there are certainly blends of emotions), and that is a smile. The others include sadness, anger, disgust, contempt, fear, and surprise. I’ve heard men ask me when they come across as intimidating what they should change, usually they aren’t smiling enough. They feel it is “beta” or “afc” to smile, that is false. A smile shows comfort and comfort shows confidence. Your smile should be true and genuine, that means your smile shouldn’t just be in your lips but also in your eyes. A smile literally makes us feel better, and since behavior is contagious giving someone a smile evokes a good feeling when they smile back(as they usually but not always do).

One of the most threatening things you can do to woman is approach her head on and escalate the courtship process to quick, this means your torso faces them too fast. Be responsive but not overly responsive. You need to keep angle when you approach a woman with the exception of when there is already initial attraction, even then if you go to direct it can be crossing a woman’s response curve and you can make her feel uncomfortable killing the attraction that might already exist. Approach her at an angle so that when you do talk to her you guys aren’t fully facing her, this is a step that will happen naturally. It is always best not to force the courtship process along.

Touch can feel very invasive if you aren’t careful and you can come off way too strong. The touch you should start off with should be nonthreatening touch. Touch has proven to add early attraction, specifically a light touch to the upper arm. One study had men ask women to dance when they added light touch to her upper arm and compare that to the success rate when they didn’t add touch, there was a substantial increase in initial attraction when a light nonthreatening touch was added. There was also another study done where men directly asked for a woman’s phone number and changed only touch (not what they said) and the light touch doubled the chances of the woman giving her phone number. So yes it is important to add in light touch to start the interaction but hand placement in more intimate areas (elbow, lower back, hips/waist etc.) should be used later in the attraction process. I don’t mean the next day just after more attraction is built. Note: You must have comfort during the touch or they will be uncomfortable.

Don’t be a space invader. No one is comfortable when you invade their space. A woman will not be comfortable if you just walk directly up to her and invade her space. You want to make sure there is enough attraction present to close the distance. When you first approach this may or may not be true but it will be very important to gain a feel for when a woman is attracted with you jumping in her space early on. Note: Studies have shown people from smaller towns require more personal space than people who are from larger more crowded metropolises like New York City.

If you do want to invade her space early on the best way to do it is with a friendly flirty shoulder to shoulder bump. It is easy and something I do all the time, perhaps jokingly say “why you got to shoulder me like that, I’m a sensitive man.” The easiest way to encroach that personal space is to stand next to her not facing her and then you can even touch and it not be a big or threatening ordeal. Head on is somewhat confrontational and often times eliminates “an exit” which can make us feel trapped.

A slightly turned head is also a submissive signal used throughout courtship that rarely gets noticed. This exposes the neck, a very sensitive area and says hey look at me I’m attractive and “nonthreatening”. You can also bend your head towards the ground slightly and look up to meet her eyes with confident body language(shoulders, strong eye contact, stance, etc.). This is a submissive signal that you can use to show you are nonthreatening and can often come across as quite charming when used in the right situation.

It is important when you go through early courtship to not only show you are a good strong attractive mate but also to show you are nonthreatening and safe to be around. Comfort is a form of a positive feeling and when she associates that positive feeling with you she will be more attracted to you. Make sure to practice all of these behaviors confidently and at the right response rate for easiest escalation through the courtship process.

Peace and Love,

Vic